Hellooooo!!?

You know that feeling you get when you realise that you've been presented with a message a number of times and you wonder why it takes you so long to 'get a clue'? I've had the same message presented to me at tonight's circle that I've had presented to me a number of times now. If it wasn't blantantly obvious enough right there that story that was told tonight (from Women Who Run..) has been told to me recently by different woman. Duh, right! OK, so now I have my picture of Babu up on my office wall. She reminds me to see the joy, to laugh and play and to be joyful. I need more joy so that I can teach my daughters the importance of it so they will have joyful lives. I want more joy. Joy can be can simple as saying a silly word that your child laughs about in a fit of contageous hysterics. It isn't hard work, something that 'needs to be done', like the washing. It brings ease and togetherness. It enables connection and that is what I am craving with a certain someone in my life. I need to learn when to surrender, to let go and to choose peace.
I remembered a way of living from my childhood tonight that I had not thought about for some years.......hence I will not be buying a dressing gown (to replace the one I ruined). This will remind me about the layers that we place over ourselves that conceal the real us, our true self and then perhaps through that liberation a new childhood way of living will be set in place for my children and their love for their true selves.
So grateful for the wonderful women in the circle tonight and for my partner who picks up where I let off so I could go home.

Spring Equinox-balance

I have such a strong desire to blog after attending a women's circle. Perhaps its my attempt to preserve the calm, grounded feeling I often experience afterward that is so polar to my regular state.
I felt honored, once again, to firstly, be invited and secondly, be in company of like-minded women sharing this evening of our spiritual journey.
Spirituality has always meant the same to me as religion because that is how I was raised. sometimes I find the best way to explain where you are is to explain where you've been. My mother is a non-practising Anglican who sent me to an Anglican girls chuch group (GFS), as a girl. Then sent me to a Lutheran High School where my non-conformist behaviour wasn't tolerated and I was asked to leave halfway through year 11. The daily half hour 'devotion' and twice weekly (? from memory) religion class was not conductive in affirming my faith. It was, in fact, enabling the opposite. It did not make sense to me that there was a HUGE patriarcial dominance within this faith. Why couldn't anyone answer any of my logial queries about the teachings, but instead preach me to have faith and then punish my 'distruptive' behaviour. It did not make sense to me that we celebrated so called christian holidays on seemingly that wrong part of the year. Living in the southern hemisphere shouldn't we have been celebrating christmas in July and Spring in September? I felt spritually void. I felt 'norty' for not conforming.
It is only recently, through my widening community of amazing women that I am learning and finally connecting with what feels like the truth, for me, about my spirituality. It is now all making sense. Yes, easter should be celebrated in spring! With the new life that it brings. So, why dont' we? I'm sure some do and it's just that I don't yet know about it. I'm fantasising about spring festivals where all our children have easter hunts, pick beautiful flowers to make crowns for each other and dance and sing amongst all the lush green life. So, it is now that we welcome Ostera, the goddess of spring, fertility and rebirth.
Please feel free to recommend books/sites for me on my journey. :)

Vision Quest Aug 2010

I've learnt that traditionally vision quests are 'men's business', but there are also readings them being 'women's business' too. So, in our case, 8 women sat with mother nature, under grandmother moon and released our fears and asked for guidance and direction. To be with 7 other inspiring, strong, wise, beautiful women in a loving and trusting environment was a a not to be missed opportunity. It.was.amazing. I sat with these woman then I sat alone with my thoughts. The following is what I wrote sitting alone in my tent:
Sitting now by my solo camp fire feeling blessed to be where I am and having been in company of such amazing women for the last few hours, by the 'home fire'. So thankful for this opportunity to sit alone with nature by myself with my thoughts, welcoming the tears that flowed from my eyes earlier when I held baby an infant boy. Am now wondering why the tears came then. AM I grieving that stage with my babies, in fear that I won't get to have more babies of my own? Surely the tears are not from missing my babies, or maybe they are and the other times when we've been apart for 1 or 2 nights I was too busy and distracted to realise the loss, hence no tears then.
The noises I hear: I can hear the waterfall. It sounds awesome. Also hear my fire crackling-the air moving through the flames. The insects.
I can see: The moon lit night sky. The mounting in the not too distance where I sit at the from of my tent looking straight out. The sky is well lit, as grandmother moon is almost full. The sky is clear so I see many stars.
I look back down the hill toward 'home fire' and I see no fire now. I wonder if I am the only one burning a fire?
I smell: familiar smells. Moss, smoke, crisp clean air.
I chose this spot because I imagined being out of sight from others as solo as I was at Mt Binga, 16 years ago! I'm part way up a hill where I can look down to the reassurance of other women's tents and toward the home fire.

My Spiritual Journey is Energising!

I'm surprised at how energised I feel each time I walk further along my spiritual path. I attended a red tent on Monday night during the dark moon and whilst my cycle is completely back-to-front with the moon cycle I felt I needed to return home and was welcomed with open arms by a sister who helped me on my path to connect with the moon, the elements and the great mother. In the 2 hours I spent there I meditated, visualised, recieved love, acceptance and teachings and most importantly opened my heart. I am too aware that I live primarily in my head. As an airy gemini I often find myself caught there with some difficulty to ground myself when needed. My heart was calling lound and clear Monday night. Sending me the message to focus on my heart's desires and set true and strong intentions. I did set intentions. 10 (OMG!). I have carried with me a belief system that once I have spoken of an intention it never actualises, so I was counseled to realease this and I have already begun living my intention list.

So, as I first mentioned, I bounded home from my first red tent experience with all the enthusiasm of a child going to a birthday party. Filled with renewed hopes of self-discovery and enlightenment. The energy flowed on today as I spent hours on the phone coordinating Homebirth Qld's participation at the Women's Expo this Saturday. I still feel energised now after only 7 hours sleep last night (I'm a minumum 8 hours girl), a full day of 4 children in my house and I'm still going! I'm loving this energy! I am reading the book 'The Red Tent' and I have looked for the moon for the last 2 nights I did not see her, but I looked. So I'm off to see if I can find her tonight.

If you are reading this, live on the Gold Coast and would like to learn more about the red tent/women's circle contact me.

Birthing Journeys

Wow! What an experience! This morning I facilitated my first Birthing Journeys group. 3 women with 3 different birth experiences but all with one thing in common: a desire to heal from the trauma they experienced as a result of their births. I am thankful for the trust they have in me to reveal themselves in this very raw emotional way. I hope they all gained something from our time spent together. My soul is dancing from the joy I feel as a result of reaching out, listening, connecting with and empathising with these women. Not long ago I heard a women say, "Empathy, good old empathy." It dawned on me that it was that simple. Empathy is what makes the world go round. It is so powerful. It brings us closer to each other by connecting us by our hearts.
Birth is truely a sacred journey. A journey to look forward to, to celebrate to grow from. Unfortunately very few women see birth this way. They see it through eyes of fear, something to endure for the end result. I long for every woman to know the true, real joy of birth. Not to buy into the idea that it needs to be mangaged and clinical. This is a woman's and her baby's journey to physically meet each other, not a science experiment! They need to be surrounded by love, support and encouragement.
Feeling totally in love with all the women who have encouraged me to take this journey. You know who you are. You rock!

Returing Home-Nurturing My Soul

I'm surrounded by women. I feel safe, inspired, loved. It is in this envronment that I can let go and attend to my soul. I do this because I leave feeling invigorated, energised and rejuvinated. Ready to take on the world. Women's circles are a day spa for my soul. Even though, for a long time, I have believed in a balance approach to life; trying to keep in balance my physical, psychological, social, emotional and spiritual wellbeing, I am learning how much my spiritual wellbeing affects the other aspects of me. When I nurture my soul I feel more connected with myself on all levels. I think clearer, my interactions with others have more meaning and purpose and I meet so many needs. Spending a few hours guided by a wise woman and sharing the space with other like minded women I met my needs for connection, peace, play, meaning, space and presence. I feel so complete! I return to my family ready to 'take it on'. I have hope of a flow on affect through my family and trust that continuing this ritual will benefit us all. I am so thankful to have such wonderful women in my life with whom I can open doors and find myself on the otherside. Yep, there I am. My 'Wild Woman'. I simply needed some trust and patience that I would find my way. Bliss.